I am very much honored to lecture at your pristine institution. However, there are certain demands you must meet before I, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, will come. Please see to it that my dressing room is stocked with the following provisions:
3 loafs of black bread
1 withered grape
1 murder weapon in an unsolved case (preferably ax)
10 mourning widows
3 family heirlooms that have caused strife and the ultimate dissolution of those families
2 stolid, unloving fathers
1 dram of poison
1 box of cherished trinkets of deceased loved ones (mixed)
20 bureaucrats
15 despairing epistles
2 dusty windows to the soul
1 scathing review of Tolstoy
Dotty
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